By Paula Spencer, Caring.com

This is the continuation of the secrets of aging well.  If you missed the first two longevity factors, click 5 Secrets to Aging Well (1).

3. Be your own best friend
Why it matters: People often fall into the trap of being kinder, more loving, and more forgiving to those around them than to themselves. We beat ourselves up about an imperfect diet or a missed opportunity. We hate our looks (waist, hair, nose — there’s always something). We neglect self-care. In general, we fail to be our own number-one cheerleader. Lacking compassion and a sense of worth about yourself leads to making unfortunate choices that can damage health and well-being.

“Stress occurs when the mind perceives you’re not enough or don’t have enough,” says Eva Selhub, the senior staff physician at the Benson/Henry Institute for Mind/Body Medicine at Massachusetts General Hospital and author of The Love Response (Ballantine).

Liking one’s self, on the other hand, infuses everything you do with a more positive outlook. You make better choices–about what to eat, whether to smoke or drink, what you deserve in relationships. And you build greater stores of resiliency that can help you bounce back from outside stressors.

What to try: Work on celebrating what’s likeable, worthy, and good about you. To reprogram negative thoughts about yourself, Selhub recommends an “appreciation journal”: For 28 days, write four things about yourself and four things about your life that you appreciate; try to come up with new things every day. Say the list aloud to yourself in the morning. Before you decide what to eat, do, or say, practice using the mental phrases, “I deserve to . . . ” and “I’m worthy of . . . ”

Pinpoint cravings or addictions you might be using to fill yourself up in the absence of self-love: food, drugs, excessive Internet use, unsafe sex, cigarettes. They all activate the brain’s reward centers, which cause us to turn to them when we lack the self-approval that can calm us and help us accomplish the same thing more healthfully.

4. Be both a giver and a taker
Why it matters: According to a growing body of research, people who are socially connected live longer, maintain better cognitive health, and have overall better mental and physical well-being. Humans are meant to be social animals. “The ‘American disease’ is isolation,” Selhub says. “We live longer and better when we feel important, valid, and valued, and when we feel that we’ll be remembered. Living within a community helps us feel that we exist and that we did exist for a reason.”

Quality counts as much as quantity in relationships, though. Healthy social connections require intimacy, that true give-and-take in which you can offer some of yourself to others but also receive a sense of love and connectivity from others. “You want interactions that go beyond just playing cards with someone; you want to be able to talk about things in your heart,” Robbins says.

What to try: Run through your closest relationships in your mind: Are they strong, nurturing, and in balance–or do you feel like you’re giving too much or receiving too little? Work toward shedding the relationships that clutter your life without giving you much back, or look for ways to reenergize them. Consider all the different types of relationships in your life: friends, parents, siblings, spouse, children, colleagues, sexual partners, even pets.

If you’re married, give that connection extra attention. Married people tend to live longer than singletons, happily married couples live longest, and married couples who remain sexually active are most satisfied with their lives overall, according to Small.

5. Sweat at the Fountain of Youth
Why it matters: Increasing snowdrifts of studies point to the same conclusion: Among all other lifestyle factors, movement is the linchpin to good health. People who exercise regularly have a lower risk of developing cardiovascular diseases, dementia, diabetes, depression, and osteoarthritis. They’re also more likely to maintain a stable, healthy weight and less likely to be obese, which is itself a risk factor for those diseases.

Now a series of compelling independent studies published in an early 2010 issue of the Archives of Internal Medicine underscores the message that exercise can stave off many diseases. An analysis from the large Nurses Health Study, for example, found that women who jogged three hours a week or walked briskly for five hours a week were 76 percent more likely to age successfully, with less chronic disease or mental impairment, an effect that held among all ages and weights.

What to try: Rethink your idea of “exercise” as “movement” of all kinds. Aim for a three-way mix of aerobic exercise (such as walking and running) for the heart, lungs, and circulatory system; resistance training (with free weights, weight machines, or exercises such as squats and lunges) for muscular and bone strength; and balance work (such as tai chi or yoga) for bone density and overall strength.

If you’re currently an exercise abstainer, start small. Research shows you can add exercise at any age, even your 60s, 70s, and 80s, to reap benefits. Take the stairs instead of the escalator or elevator. Park at the far end of a parking lot instead of cruising until a spot near the entrance opens up. Build up gradually.

Karin Richards, director of the exercise science and wellness management program at the University of the Sciences in Philadelphia, suggests a “sing/talk test” as a way to gauge your intensity. “If your pace is meeting your target heart rate, you should be able to talk without being breathless,” she says. “If you can’t catch your breath to talk, your exercise intensity is too great. If you can sing while you exercise, it’s not vigorous enough.”